” I was whacking the donkeys with painted ladies!They loved it!”

Channel surfing in the middle of the ocean. Say no more because that right there says it all about TV, doesn’t it?

…but seriously, wtf?

I don’t really like greyhounds. They have no sense of humor.I always expect to see them profoundly sitting on a velvet bed by a fireplace as their master (not owner) sits and reads the Wallstreet Journal, smokes a cigar, and sips on a thing of brandy on the rocks. The dog in the meanwhile has his paws crossed and he quietly contemplates his old racing days, adjusting his posture out of habit to keep his senses keen.

You can always spot an old English woman. Its the way they carry themselves. The pasty and powdered skin contrasted with their rosy cheeks, which are always, without exception, that heavy drunk pink.

The English ladies always seem to be stout and find the most absurd over-sized floral printed outfits. The embellished shoes are both dull and gaudy at the same time and usually painfully match the color of their lipstick. Their jowls are heavy and droopy due to their collected wisdom in etiquette, antique China ware, and tea. They do not drink coffee.

Though this does not prevent the presence of stained crooked teeth which of course does not dampen or embarrass their air of imperial confidence.

Yes, let’s not forget their hair which is always whisked to cloudy perfection, like how their mother used to make it, I’m sure. Their hair can be colored, oranges usually, or purely white perhaps to enhalo their thinning crown of curls. Curled every morning while still in their pink quilted robe and matching slippers (embroidered with a simple rose and stem on the center of each foot).

The English ladies’ fingers are always a little too long and their nails a little too pointy.

Their purse, which usually matches their hair or their floral outfit is always neatly rested in the pit of their elbow. An attempt to walk gracefully usually results in what one might describe as a waddling tea pot. Perhaps that’s why they like tea so much.

Despite all these physical characteristics, I feel that their immediate unpleasantness has not fully been captured. Imperial superiority, educated, tight-upper-lip-accent (the Queen’s english)— yes to all of those. Perhaps its their lips again, and how they always seemed to be tightly pursed and wrinkled in the wrong places that makes me think that they’ve always just tried a lemon for the first time.

Their eyes are small and they always manage to raise their eyebrows and glower at the world simultaneously. As f we are all just part of their “little pink bits” (see reference to British empire if you don’t get that one). Their superiority is unyielding (much like their musty rose perfume). With such a presence, it would be rude of us not to greet them with the queen’s wave.

(and yes, I know its technically a man, but it felt rather appropriate anyways)

Why is it that we find underwear lines through pants so offensive?

I mean, sure, through the pants we are able to see the booty fit of their underwear (full coverage, boyshort, hipster, bikini, etc). And underwear! Heaven forbid we should even be reminded it is there.

The slightest hint of its appearance causes us to judge the most normal of people, we think “don’t they care?! Have they no respect for their dignity? Why can’t they be gracious for that sake of humanity?!!”. Okay, so that’s probably not exactly what goes through people’s minds when they see panty lines.

Granted, I hate it if my underwear even alters the shape of my butt through, my pants, even if the lines themselves aren’t visible. Is it an aesthetic thing or am I concerned that I’m insulting the fashionable world?

The whole panty line dilemma must be a somewhat recent happenstance. Before women wore big ruffly bloomers underneath infinite amounts of fabric, large skirts, metal, and mesh.

And what about men, some men out there wear “whitey-tighties” (unfortunately). We never see their underwear .

And for the record yes, this was prompted by a specific person who I ordinarily wouldn’t have mentioned, but boy did that panty line throw me a curve ball!. A curve ball of inspiration that is.

But going back to my time line. The thong’s only purpose was to prevent said panty line, no? Beyond that they’re completely impractical excepting of course their potential ability to build a lady’s confidence/sexiness. So perhaps if I research the beginning of the thong’s development (which must have originated from a convenient wedgie) then I can find out when panty lines really became problematic.

RESEARCH: (thank you wikipedia)

           http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panty_line

           http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thong_%28clothing%29

And for those of you who can’t figure out how to get rid of them, here are Seven tips (with images) to save the day!:

           http://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Panty-Lines

My thong guesstimates were wrong, but I’ve learned something today! (:

There’s a man probably in his late 30’s/ early 40’s who is attempting the chin-strap facial hair to make his face look more ‘chizzled’. This is a sorry attempt for he has one of those frog neck/chin things going on— almost a double chin, so the chizzling effect is around his first chin, I think he should grow a second strap around his second chin, that would be a great look for him.

Also, he has a camouflage suitcase and a shirt that says “race team”, referring to surfers in Maui. Yeah, I find that hard to believe, not with that facial hair!

He’s the loud talkative one in the group of friends traveling together. I find that most men with chin straps are that type of friend. Do you really think it  looks that cool? Okay back to the guy instead of just his facial hair.

He looks like the friend that hasn’t quite grown up yet. The other two have no or normal facial hair and are wearing clothing appropriate for their age group. Beneath that horrid string of fuzz is a baby face with a hook nose, I know it.

He has one of those glorious receding hairlines too. Oh yes, one of those tufts in the front— a little buzz cut island separated from the mainland hair by a sea of baldness.

If you were really a surfer you would have long salty and sun stained hair. a nice body (ahem) and none of that god awful facial hair. I’m not a fan of chinstraps, if you couldnt tell… unless we are talking about the penguins!

In fact, this penguin, if it were balding, basically looks like the dude. 

see:

“I think we lost grandma again” said a young boy, one child of eight if I counted right.

oh and also, again??

A truck just drove past, an old Ford pickup with chipped green paint. Behind the cab on a big pole sits a large Barbie doll head whose face is stained with exhaust and whose (purple) hair is ratted beyond repair. Not sure what to think about this one.

In the parking lot of Wal-Mart on a filthy Yukon SUV.

Every single man is wearing a cowboy hat. Even my grandpa, oh grandpa

This is more of a people-interaction more than an observation— but while dining at Domino’s Pizza I was approached by a guy. He seemed to be a few years older but had a friendly countenance. He held out his phone where he had typed out “whyr are you flying to?” He showed it to me, and before I could say anything more than “oh” he said okay and scurried back to his table near mine. Utterly confused I sat there until his assumed girlfriend shows up and starts signing to him. So being deaf at least explains the weird syntax and why he didn’t just ask me verbally. Being at my gate now, he does not seem to be flying to Jackson Hole.