August 1st 2012— Totally turned the tv on to see this. Rad

The man in front of me in checkout looks like a perfectly friendly and normal older man doing his grocery shopping for perhaps…hmmm
In what circumstance would anyone need a couple dozen red solo cups, two canisters of whipped cream, and a disturbing amount of spam? …you lost me at spam sir; large amounts of curious opinions are being passed.

Has anyone else ever seen a strange assortment of items at a grocery store? Please share!

This was the title of an article I saw in the Hindustan newspaper while in Delhi.
The article says that apparently he favored his youngest sixth wife and one night after coming home drunk from a bar, as he was heading to his sixth wife’s bedroom his other five wives confronted him and demanded that he had sex with all of them right then. They forced a desperate amount of Viagra (well the indian equivalent of) down his throat and each got their turn. At least tried, when the fourth wife climbed on top, she found that he had stopped breathing and had died.

Besides the death part, this sounds oddly like some kinky s&m fantasy, doesn’t it?

The Dali Lama arrived for holiday and relaxation today in Leh. Myself and the rest of the city gathered along the streets to see him arrive from the airport and drive down to his estate where he will reside and do teachings on his grounds on August 4th. We arrived two hours early and found a place along a roof top because the streets were already mostly full. I was coated in dust, drinking down water under the intense sun, and being careful to stand along the support beams because my trust in the clay roof was minimal. I sat on the roof looking between bright streaks of prayer flags at the hundreds of people below me all quickly talking amongst themselves. Every so often some rumor would spread about His Holiness coming and everyone would rush to the edges of both the street and their own excitement. Old men and women, school children in their uniforms, young adults, and even the stray cows all mobbed over the white line that was specifically drawn for the purpose of keeping back crowds for today’s reception of the Dali Lama.
Finally he landed, i saw his plane touch down and knew the bustle of people below me was no longer built on rumors. I rushed down to the street level to see His Holiness pass by. For another 15 minutes I waited as car after car after car of his entourage cruised past; and mixed in with his entourage and the police escorts was the Dali Lama himself. He sat quietly smiling in the passenger seat with the windows rolled up and waved and blessed the thousands of people who want even the smallest glimpse of him. As he passed by quickly he briefly made eye contact with me. The charismatic and lovable smile we all know and love.
I am not Buddhist, nor am I religious in any sort of the word, but, my do I feel blessed by that man’s presence. The aura he carries with him and the spirit and excitement he brings to people around the world is inspiring and beautifully genuine. I may as well stop people watching now (we know that wont happen) for this is about as cool as it gets

Please tell me why after not speaking since we were 12, yes… 12 and then exchanging two messages over Facebook you think it’s reasonable to ask me out on a date. Really??
Just because I agreed on a pity date seven years ago to go to a dance with you doesnt make me infatuated with you now. And now I’ve made a lot of assumptions about you because you did ask me out after such little communication. It’s weird.

Thoughts? Experiences? I just love awkward stories.

Share the road…cyclists.

We reluctantly agreed to share the road with y’all— yes SHARE the road, we didn’tgiveyou the road. As decked out in sponsors as you are, you are not faster than us, nor do you have more rights nonetheless the same rights are automobiles. SO since you are on the road and not on the sidewalk that means you need to participate in typical road conduct, in case that was unclear. You are not a pedestrian on wheels, you are essentially driving a vehicle. So stop running the damn red lights and stop signs. If cars decided they could go through traffic lights when no cars were coming they would a) receive an enormous fine and b) chaos would eventually ensue. We can get through red lights faster than you can, so if anything, we should be running the red lights, not you.

Not even motorcyclists make up their own rules, just because you don’t have a motor doesn’t make you exempt!

Also, stop drivi— err excuse me, riding in the middle of narrow streets, you may be convinced that you’re bulging calves enable you to ride at 30mph, but they don’t. And for heavens sake stop swearing at cars who “cut you off” or “pass too close”, its obnoxious, hypocritical, and no one likes you. You have a false sense of superiority and those sponsor jerseys, spandex shorts, and ridiculous shoes just make you look like a wannabe.

I wouldloveto see a cyclists get pulled over a receive a ticket for breaking the road rules.

Sorry if this seemed harsh, but really… you all know the cyclists that I’m talking about.

Ladies, gentlemen, my dear followers, etc:

Americans— I have confirmed; are indeed fat, loud, and happy. The stereotype is steadfast and there’s no getting around it (especially since its an XXL, ha.)

Anyways, I ventured off to Disneyland a few days ago with my brother for reminiscing, nostalgia, fun, and most importantly as an ethnographer of Americans in what we presume to be the closest damn thing we have to Utopia. 

Yes, that’s right people, Disneyland was not created by Walt Disney, no no. It was Thomas More who created this idealized world; with its happy endings, forever afters, zippity-do-dah hoo-hahs, enormous mice we grow to love, and those $4 churros we find completely and utterly irresistible.

Disneyland tries (and succeeds) so hard to make the outside world not just invisible but totally forgettable, so when you re-enter Anaheim, CA you’re taken aback by these ‘modernized’ buildings that lack the aesthetic and charm of the old west, a castle’s foyer, or the hope for tomorrow. In Anaheim, or rather Disneyland, the sky is always blue, the sun is always golden, and the smog of Los Angeles is miraculously hidden behind the ‘distant’ rolling hills of ToonTown.

People within this monopolized Utopia walk, stroll, or (most commonly) scooter around from ride to ride, food stand to food stand, and light show to light show, completely dazzled by the happiness of everyone there. It is not just the young kids that are giggling with excitement but everyone is in ecstasy.

The employees, or “cast members” as they are referred to are seemingly required to not only tell the guests what to do to ensure order and safety, but they must present the information via a series of tragic puns.

The Winnie the Pooh ride for instance: “Ladies and gentlemen, to avoid a sticky situation may you please make a bee-line for the exit!”. Every ride has puns like that, I can’t even remember all the ones they used just from the Winnie the Pooh ride (which for the record is the biggest trip of your life— if you dare ride it!)

TomorrowLand, for the record, is outdated to say the least. The prospects of ‘tomorrow’ for them is along the same thought as “by 2000, we will be living in colonies on the moon, vacationing on mars, and flying hovering automobiles by day, and jet packs by night!”. The only thing they’ve modernized is Star Tours, one of my old personal favorites which now is disappointing. Firstly, they made it 3D and the “space goggles” you a required to wear are…sub-par— please my movie theater has better ones than these.

And then they got rid of the incompetent tour robot who was always having his first day on the job… loved him. Now its C-3PO, psh. And then of course Princess Leia comes in and tells us that “we are her only hope” yadda yadda. We are on a tour! We can’t save you from the republic, and then after we “save the day” or whatever she informs us that we are all rebels now and we’re wanted dead. Gee thanks. As C-3PO puts it “you flea-bitten furball! Only an overgrown mop-head like you would be stupid enough to  [ruin Star Tours like that!]”.

…

So what is it that seduces us into Disney and Disneyland so much? Is it our quest to find all of the hidden mickeys? Or perhaps, one day, being admitted into Club 33? Maybe its the wait in lines that manage still to have character and something inherently Disney about them? It could even be the famous anamotronics or giant character suits that bumble around hoping to avoid heat stroke for another day.

The world where they say “where happily ever after happens every day”, “may your dreams come true”, “let the memories begin”, and most importantly this world truly is “the happiest place on earth”.

(and I put there catch phrase in quotes so hopefully they won’t try and sue me; not only are we a fat, loud, and happy culture— we’re a suing one too!)

((this entry is incomplete as is my evaluation on Disneyland’s fascinating spell it has on me))

So… until then. To infinity and beyond!!

Also this:

“Just walking around the park over and over again is exercise enough for most people, but employees have the option of working out in the Matterhorn. Surely you didn’t think that huge mountain was only used for one little ride did you? No, the Matterhorn is officially classified as a gym and has a full basketball court inside. In 1984, it was even certified as an official Olympic Stadium.” —http://www.neatorama.com/2008/11/21/10-cool-secrets-about-disneyland/

WHAAAA??

and this:

C-3PO quotes

Han Solo and him have the best bro-mance ever.

Winnie the Pooh’s ride is not only a huge trip, but it is also the most terrifying thing ever and I would have been traumatized had this existed when I was a child.

kids— this is what too much “hunny” will do to you. That’s the street name for you know what.

Americans are fat, loud, and happy! My experience in Disneyland coming soon!